The Big Waynowski, Act II

Note: this is an incomplete work that got posted on accident while tinkering with categories.  But since there’s a disclaimer about half-finished projects, i’m letting it go. 

 

A GANG OF THUGS

Scattered by a roundhouse kick.

THE VIGILANTES

Tim calls out from the circle of streetlight:

TIM

Shazam Bats – They’re dead in the water!

As the Bat walks back to the shadows he looks up to see female bat-themed costumed vigilante in black perched on the corner of a two-story building.

BAT

Your streets, Cassandra.

Jason, just arriving, is carrying a red metal helmet under his arm and accompanied by a young boy wearing a black-and-white bodysuit, red tunic and grayish hood and cape.  He is also wearing brass knuckles.

JASON

Way to go, Bats.  “Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot, so my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts.”

BAT

You’re fucking twenty minutes late.  What the fuck is that?

JASON
Detective Comics #33.

BAT

Huh?

JASON

Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom.  “I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible…”

BAT

What the fuck’re you talking about?  The kid.  What’s with the fucking kid?

JASON

Huh?  Oh – Talia’s Damian.  Can’t leave him alone or he goes on a killing spree.

BAT

What the fuck are you –

JASON

I’m saying, Talia’s Damian.  I’m looking after him while Talia and Ebeneezer Darcel are in Tibet.

BAT

You brought fucking Damian out crime-fighting?

JASON

What do you mean “brought him out crime-fighting”?  I didn’t invite him to join the Bat family.  I’m not giving him fucking utility belt.  He’s not gonna take your mantle, Bats.

He waves the furtive boy off.  He stalks the area, snooping about and staying alert for signs of danger.

BAT

Hey, man, if my fucking ex-lover asked me to take care of her fucking genetically perfected son while she and Doctor Darrk went to Nanda Parbat, I’d tell her to go fuck herself.  Why can’t she put him in suspended animation?

JASON

First of all, Bats, your ex is from an alternate dimension of the multiverse.  Secondly, he’s a fucking killing machine, with fucking League of Assassin training.  If he gets bored, he’ll start offing people.

BAT

Hey man –

JASON
Fucking genetically perfect killer, Bats. – Over the line!

JEAN PAUL VALLEY turns from his last brawl, where he’s savagely beat several criminals with flaming gauntlet blades, to look at Jason.

JASON

Over the line, Jean Paul.  I’m sorry, you’re not Bat family material.

JEAN PAUL

Bullshit.  I’m staying on patrol, Bat.

JASON

Excuse me!  Hang it up.  Next justice seeker.

JEAN PAUL

Bullshit.  Jason!

JASON

This is not No Man’s Land.  This is the New 52.  There are rules.

BAT

Come on Jason, it’s just – it’s Jean Paul.  So he’s not the most restrained, his genes are spliced with animal DNA.

JASON

This is a War on Crime.  This could determine who becomes the next Robin, am I wrong?

JEAN PAUL

Yeah, but –

JASON

Am I wrong?!

JEAN PAUL

Yeah, but I wasn’t over the line.  That guy had it coming, Bat, I’m still going to patrol the city in the dark of night.

Jason takes out a gun.

JASON

Jean Paul my friend, you’re entering a world of pain.

BAT

Hey Jason

JASON

Swing away on a grapple line, you’re entering a world of pain.

JEAN PAUL

I’m not –

JASON

A world of pain.

A uniformed Gotham City police officer is running for the radio in his squad car.

JEAN PAUL

Look Bat, I don’t hold with this.  This guy is your protege, you should –

Jason primes the gun and points it at his head.

JASON

HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?  AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT CONTINUITY?  HANG UP YOUR CAPE!

Damian is excitedly scurrying about Jason’s vicinity, shadow-boxing and performing acrobatics.

BAT

Jason, they’re calling in SWAT, put the piece away.

JASON
HANG IT UP!

JEAN PAUL

Jason –

JASON

YOU THINK I’M FUCKING AROUND HERE?  HANG IT UP!!

JEAN PAUL

All right!  There it is!  It’s fucking gone!

He removes his cape and cowl frantically and surrenders it to the Bat.

JEAN PAUL
You happy, you crazy fuck?

JASON

This is a war on crime, Jean Paul.

HIDDEN GARAGE

Jason and the Bat walk to the Bat’s car.  Damian lurks sneakily behind Jason who totes the red hood.

BAT

Jason, you can’t do that.  These guys are like me, they have damaged psyches.  Jean Paul was a test-tube baby conditioned to become a remorseless Angel of Death.

JASON

You know Bat, I myself dabbled with insanity at one point.  Not pre-retcon punch, of course –

BAT

And you know Jean Paul has emotional problems!

JASON

You mean, beyond knowing only how to kill?

BAT

He’s unhinged, man!  He’s very unhinged!

As the two men get into the car:

JASON

Huh.  I did not know that.  Well, it’s water under the bridge.  And we do still only have three official Robins, am I wrong?

BAT

No, you’re not wrong –

JASON

Am I wrong!

BAT

You’re not wrong, Jason, you’re just an asshole.

They watch a SWAT van take a squealing turn around the corner.

JASON

Okay then.  We go on patrol with Helena and Stephanie next week.  Should be a cakewalk.

BAT

Just, just take it easy, Jason.

JASON

That’s your answer to everything, Bat.  And let me point out – neuroses are not – look at our current situation with the obsessive-compulsives in Arkham – neuroses are not something to hide behind.

BAT

Well, just take it easy, man.

JASON

I’m perfectly calm, Bat.

BAT

Yeah?  Wavin’ a gun around?!

JASON

(smugly)

Calmer than you are.

This irritates the Bat further.

BAT

Just take it easy, man!

Jason is still smug.

JASON

Calmer than you are.

BAT’S LAIR

A giant, shiny penny stands amidst the Bat’s beat-up old crime-fighting memorabilia.

At the table next to the Bat-Radia the Bat is combining three luminescent chemicals together.

VOICE

Bat, this is Jean Paul.  Look, I don’t wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn’t your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Barbara and I will be submitting this to the Justice League and asking them to sponsor me for membership.  Or maybe revoke yours –

BAT

Shit!

VOICE

– so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning.  Tell Jason.

A beep.

ANOTHER VOICE

Mr. Waynowski, this is Alfred at, uh, well – at Mr. Waynowski’s of manor.  Please call us as soon as is convenient.

Beep.

ANOTHER VOICE

Master Waynowski, this is Maxwell Lord with the International Justice League.  I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your crime-fighting legacy, uh, Jason Todd, drew a loaded weapon during routine patrol.

We hear the doorbell.

THE DOOR

It swings open to reveal a gorgeous, red-haired woman with a greenish-hue to her skin and vines entwined around her body.

BAT

Hiya Pamela.

PAMELA

Bats, I finally got the venue I wanted.  I’m going to create a tropical paradise – you know, my usual M.O. – at Robinson Park starting Tuesday night, and I’d love it if you came and gave me notes.

The Bat takes a swig of his serum.

BAT

Sure, Pamela, I’ll be there.

PAMELA

Bats, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth.

BAT

Far out.

PAMELA

Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door.

BAT

Oh, oh yeah, okay.

BACK IN THE LAIR

The voice continues on the Bat-Radia.

VOICE

– serious violation of the Comics Code, and examine your mentoring.  Thank you.

Beep.

VOICE

Master Waynowski, Alfred again.  Please do call us when you get in and I’ll send the limo.  Let me assure you – I hope you’re not avoiding this call because of the giant penny, which, I assure you, is not a problem.  We need your help and, uh – well we wound very much like to see you.  Thank you.  It’s Alfred.

TRACKING

We are pushing Alfred down the high-ceilinged hallway.  Distantly, we hear a German libretto.  Alfred talks back over

HIS SHOULDER:

ALFRED

We’ve had some dreadful news.  Master Waynowski is in seclusion in the West Wing.

BAT

Huh.

Alfred throws open a pair of heavy double doors.  The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Bruce Waynowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Die Fledermaus.

ALFRED ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY

ALFRED

Master Waynowski

Bruce Waynowski waves the Bat in without looking around.

WAYNOWSKI

It’s funny.  I can look back on a life of grim justice, on tradgedies met, villains incarerated, death traps overcome.  I’ve accomplished more than most heroes, and without the use of super powers.  What…What makes a superhero, Mr. Waynowski?

BAT

Bat.

WAYNOWSKI

Huh?

BAT

I don’t know, sir.

WAYNOWSKI

Is it…is it, being prepared to do the right thing?  Whatever the price?  Isn’t that what makes a superhero?

BAT

Sure.  That and a pair of tights.

Waynowski turns away from the Bat with a haunted stare, lost in thought.

WAYNOWSKI

You’re joking.  But perhaps you’re right.

The Bat thumps at his utility belt.

BAT

Mind if i pop a Miraclo?

WAYNOWSKI

Dick.

He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks.

BAT

‘Scuse me?

WAYNOWSKI

Dick Grayson…He is the light of my life.  Are you surprised at my tears, sir?

BAT

Fuckin’ A.

WAYNOWSKI

Dark Knights also cry…dark knights also cry.

He clears his throat.

WAYNOWSKI

I received this fax this morning.

Alfred hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Bat.

WAYNOWSKI

As you can see, it is a riddle.  Sent by a superstitious, cowardly lot.  Men who are unable to successfully function in society.  Men who will not use their real names.  Weaklings.  Bums.

THE BAT EXAMINES THE FAX:

WE HAVE ROBIN.  WHAT KIND OF PINS ARE USED IN SOUP?  WHAT WAS JOAN OF ARC MADE OF?  THAT’S WHERE YOU’LL FIND HIM.

BAT

Terrapins.  Orleans.

WAYNOWSKI

Alfred will fill you in on the details.

He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire.  Alfred tugs at the Bat’s cape and points him back to the hall.

HALLWAY

The libretto is once again faint.  Alfred’s voice is hushed:

ALFRED

Mr. Waynowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as caped crusader once we solve the riddle.

BAT
Why me, man?

ALFRED

He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your coin, and you’re in a unique position to mete out and bring these criminals to justice.

BAT

So he thinks the coin-pissers did this?

ALFRED

Well Bat, we just don’t know.

THUGS

WHAM – spun like a top by a crossbow bolt, in slow motion.

WIDER

Still in slow motion.  We are looking across the length of the dark alley at an athletic, shapely Italian vigilante displaying perfect martial arts technique.  She wears a purple spandex singlet with a purple cape, boots, and mask.

FAST TRACK IN

On the Bat, perched next to Jason on a stone gargoyle on the side of a building.  The Bat is staring off towards the vigilante.

BAT
Fucking Helena – that woman can fight crime, man –

BACK TO THE VIGILANTE

Displaying great slow-motion form as the Bat and Jason’s conversation continues over.

JASON

Yeah, but she’s a fucking killer, Bat.

BAT

Huh?

JASON
The woman is a loose cannon.  With a violent history.  Spent time Sicily until she turned 16 and returned to Gotham to track down and kill the people that had killer her parents.

FLASHBACK

We see HELENA learning a variety of forms of combat.

The VOICE-OVER conversation continues.

BAT

Huh.

JASON

She was inspired to become a costumed crime-fighter and adopt a now de guerre after she saw one crash through a skylight.

At a extravagant function, Helena witnessed the Bat interrupt the event by crashing through a skylight.

TIM

What’s a now de guerre, Jason?

JASON

Shut the fuck up, Tim.

THUGS

Scattered by a sweep kick.

HELENA

wheeling and thrusting a purple gloved fist into the air.

Fastened to her chest and forming the clasp for her cape is a large white cross.

BACK TO JASON AND THE BAT

They have been joined by Tim.

JASON

Anyway.  What did they offer you?

BAT

Kidnapping case.  And of course I still keep the coin.

JASON

Just for rescuing the young ward?

BAT
Yeah.

He slips a little black box out of his shirt pocket.

BAT

…They gave the Bat a Waynowski Enterprises gadget, so whenever this riddle is solved –

JASON

What if it’s during a patrol?

BAT
I told him if it was during Justice League business –

Tim has been watching Helena.

TIM

If what’s during Justice League business?

JASON

Cases don’t solve themselves at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

TIM

What’s wrong with Jason, Bats?

BAT

I figure it’s an easy adventure, it’s all pretty harmless.  I mean he probably kidnapped himself.

JASON

Huh?

TIM

What do you mean, Bats?

BAT

Coin-peers did not do this.  I mean look at it.  Young trophy ward.  Adopted by a guy for partnership but he isn’t treating him equally.  He fights crime all over town –

JASON

That…fucking…bitch!

BAT

It’s all a goddamn fake.  Like Strange said, the luminous world is the invisible world; the luminous world is that which we do not see.  Our eyes, uh, you know, see only, uh, you know what I’m trying to say –

TIM

By the Vishanti.

JASON

That fucking bitch!

BAT

Yeah.

TIM

By the Vishanti.

JASON

Shut the fuck up, Tim!  Professor Strange!  Professor Hugo Strange!

TIM

What the fuck is he talking about?

JASON

That’s fucking exactly what happened, Bat!  That makes me fucking SICK!

BAT

Yeah, well, what do you care, Jason?

TIM

Yeah Bat, why is Jason so pissed off?

JASON

Those rich fucks!  This whole fucking thing – I did not watch multiple universes get destroyed by Anti-Monitors so that this fucking sidekick –

BAT

I don’t see any connection to the Crisis, Jason.

JASON

Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Bat.

BAT

Jason, face it, there isn’t any connection.  It’s your patrol.

JASON

Have it your way.  The point is –

BAT

It’s your patrol –

JASON

The fucking point is –

BAT

It’s your patrol.

VOICE

Are you ready to be impressed, man?

They both look up.

Helena, about to disappear into the night, looks up at them from the street.  Her crossbow is loaded with a grapple line.  Behind her stands her team-up for this patrol, Stephanie, a young girl with a purple bodysuit and hooded cloak, her face concealed completely by a dark blue hood.

HELENA
I see you fought your way back from the distant past.  Mio dio, man.  Stephanie and me, we’re gonna impress the fuck out of you.

BAT

Yeah well, that’s just, ya know, like, your opinion, man.

Helena looks at Jason

Let me tell you something, stupido.  You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a Bat-signal up in the sky, I’ll show up on the GCPD rooftop, talk to Gordon and track down the criminal lickety-split.

BAT

Huntress.

HELENA

You said it, man.  Nobody fucks with the Huntress.

Huntress fires her grapple line and swings away.  Jason nods sadly.

JASON

Extreme measures, Bat.

BAT’S LAIR

We are looking up at the Bat who is hanging upside down from the ceiling in front of the giant penny. His eyes are closed.  We wears his cowl.  Leaking tinnily through the pointy ears we can just hear an intermittent clatter.

In his hands, clasped over his chest, he holds a leather notebook labeled BLACK CASEBOOK.

The Bat absently licks his lips as we faintly hear the blast of an ice gun.  The impact produces a cracking sound, and the Bat opens his eyes.

He screams.

A black-haired woman stands eye to eye with him.  Next to her a punchy older man winds back and throws a wallop at the Bat.

The punch catches the Bat on the chin and sends his head thunking back against the giant penny.

A million bats explode against a field of white.  We hear the “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na” of the Batman theme.

The white field dissolves into an image of the giant penny.  The giant penny falls away to reveal an aerial view of the city of Gotham at night, moving below us at great speed.

The Bat is flying over the city, his arms thrown out to the sides to steer his glider cape.

Ahead the mysterious black-haired woman wings away, riding on the Bat’s giant penny like a New God on an aero-disc.  She is outpacing us, growing smaller.

The Bat does a couple of dives and then notices that a letter has materialized in his hand.  His surprise turns to concern over the words written by his father Thomas Wayne just as the letter seems to suddenly assume it’s emotional weight, abruptly snapping his arm down, and him after it.  He is falling.  From a high angle we see the Bat hurtling down toward the city, dragged by the alternate timeline letter.

A reverse looking up shows the Bat hurtling toward us out of the inky sky, his eyes wide with terror. Led by the letter, he zooms past the camera leaving us in black.

We hear a distant

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